THE TIES that BIND YOU:
Do You have ONE FOOT IN and ONE FOOT OUT of Your Life?
by
Elisa R. Goodman
Jan. 5, 2019
It’s the beginning of the year and I’m doing a Mindset/Reset with Mel Robbins – a motivational speaker and author of “The 5-Second Rule.” She has generously gifted the Planet (to date, 240,000 people have signed up) with a free training to help you Reset your Mindset. I’m tracking my foray into Procrastination and Distraction – or is it a Rite of Passage? I’m someone who does everything at the last minute—and have been known for having a track record of deliberately waiting until the 9th hour to decide/follow through on ANYTHING that has a deadline – especially when it comes to the handling of money/legal or other major “icks.”
It was a continual source of frustration for my husband (who did everything way ahead of its due date…including dying at young age of 58!). It made him crazy that I worked on my taxes the night before we went to the accountant – and watched me stress out about it – because it took longer than I thought and would keep me up well into the night – adding numbers and organizing boxes of receipts for our appointments. I insisted that if I did them a week before, (and, if our accountant would ask me anything about the numbers), I would not remember how I came to those totals. Which, whether justified or not, was totally true with that kind of information – as I cannot hold logical calculations in my mind. Only last minute will do. A hell of a habit to break – even armed with a laptop and an excel spreadsheet.
While I know actions (deliberate or not) are a choice – I am curious to examine my choice of physically incarnating into the world – with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and leaving me in fetal distress for 18 hours – requiring my mother to need a Cesarean delivery. Does this give me a legitimate “out” – a rope to hang myself with (literally & figuratively)? Does every decision have to be a “Do or Die”, “Will she? Won’t She? “Should I go for it?” “Should I stay safe?” Or let me ask a million people and get their take on it? What should I have for dinner?
Suspension rope thinking: After 62 years, this is starting to annoy me. I realize this is my default setting. This is one of things we are working on in Mel’s MINDSET/RESET Training. Do we just sit back and wait? Wait for something to happen? Wait for a sign saying it is safe to cross over? Wait for a sign to let me know this was the “right thing” to do? Wait for a sign that the effort I put into something will eventually pay off if I just keep showing up? Putting off a difficult conversation until I feel ready. Will spending the money for a big purchase (like a tradeshow) be worthwhile? How will I pay that bill? Will I transfer money at the 11th hour from my overdraft account? Should I put more money into my account before I overdraft? Remembering to pay a bill before the cut-off time and forgetting that the cut-off time is not Pacific but might be East Coast or Central. On the stroke of 8 or 9…just getting the payment in under the wire. Pushing myself to create a solution. Knowing what I will ultimately do hours before there is a cut-off time. Unnecessarily torturing myself. In or Out. Time stamp it! 5-4-3-2-1! Just Friggin’ Do it!
Forcing myself to get up earlier, to plan my day the night before, to do the hard things first, to prioritize, to stay in bed or get to work, to do ONE MORE THING before I leave the office which always gets me arriving later than planned to take care of my elderly mom. Then there was the payback conditioning from my mom who did that when she was working. Picking me up late from school. Should I just start walking home by myself? What if she wasn’t coming? Should I wait at the schoolyard alone? If I start walking, will she find me? She used to come home late from the office before there were cell phones. Arriving around 8pm. Should we start dinner without her? This used to drive my dad crazy. Seriously, I beat myself up that there is something wrong with me. An umbilical-cord saboteur.
Using the umbilical cord as a metaphor for life – sliding down the rope of life like a fireman – whose emergency bell has rung – ready to board the fire truck to put out the fires in my own life. Like the vines in a dense jungle – we are to be wary of noises, of distractions, of things lurking in the corners – unaware they are watching and waiting to greet you with a mysterious, British sounding, “H-A-L-L-O!”
I’ve recently been introduced to the on-going study of Distraction Science – and how we are so bombarded by constant interruptions during the day while we are trying to concentrate and focus at work – so that it takes our brain so much longer to reset and refocus because of the dings/pings/rings of our phones, computers, robo-calls, spam marketing emails where everything feels like a 911 emergency that has to be looked at/dealt with in the moment. I have to remember to turn the sound down on my (2) computers when I go to bed so I don’t hear pings when an email or text or a Words with Friends play which shows up in the middle of the night. I leave my phone in another room when I’m sleeping and use a travel alarm if I have to get up so I’m not tempted to look at the time on my phone when I get up to go to the bathroom – so that the blue screen doesn’t wake my brain up when I need to go back to bed.
I’m trying to separate and examine the internal blame of my failed monkey-mind multi-tasking syndrome versus feeling there is something wrong with me for this In or Out state of mind. If I’d only been born a millennial – might I be able to handle the speed of my life? Is it my Umbilical Cord Syndrome at work again? When I can’t concentrate and feel overwhelmed to get-it-all-done – like dealing with the ubiquitous influx of spam messages on all of my devices that I can’t seem to delete en-mass – I stop and go back to a mindfulness awareness mindset. I get up and stretch to give myself a pattern-interrupt break.
I’ve learned to micro-focus 10-20 minutes shifts at a time on various projects. I have noticed that I am “in the zone” when I am creating and don’t have a distraction issue but when I’m dealing with the other side of my brain needing to complete paperwork and applications, legal stuff or manifesting money I don’t have in my bank account at the moment is when distraction is most prevalent. I shame myself to hunker down and completely finish an ‘icky’ project – seeing it through to its ragged completion – even though that could take hours and take me away from something else I also need to complete that has its own similar deadline. Nothing will ever be done, ever be completed – and that there is ALWAY more – more decisions, more distraction, more life stuff. The Race of Life – In or Out?
So armed with my new Distraction Factor Science findings – is my Am I In or Am I Out behavior. An imperfect wine pairing. The insane thing is – my pattern to wait and wait, knowing that I want to try, I want to jump in, I want to participate or I want to get it over with, I want to move past it – but I can’t just do it when it presents itself to me. I have to be in the Mood, I hem and haw, run Pros and Cons, mull things over to see if I’m being frivolous, if can I afford it (Suze Orman’s voice booms over the loud speaker in my mind), does it matter if I want to? To notice if it makes me feel expanded or contracted or should I just forget about it because it will take too much time, too much effort, too much money, too much focus, concentration, WHATEVER. Only on very rare occasions does a resounding “YES” show up – which I now follow-through on immediately with whatever opportunity energizes me without hesitation. This, in turn, begs the question: If I don’t have that energetic FLASH come over me to JUST FRIGGIN’ DO IT! – does that mean I should question it, pass it by, not jump in – is it my body giving me a warning sign? If I’m malaise about something – is that my father’s voice of “Why bother, that’s too hard – I’ll just give you money instead” voice showing up? Jesus Christ! No wonder I end up with a paralysis of the mind/action distraction.
This, thankfully, is why I practice Iyengar yoga. I could just lie in Svanasana for an hour. Watching all of my mental clutter pass through while lying supine on the floor – training my mind to rest and recede like the tides – all the while being aware of the default thoughts floating and wafting like clouds blown sideways by a small tailwind through a murky, yet hopeful sky.
I love when I can drop down, go deep, recede, keep centered – not letting the monkey mind chit-chat about stupid shit – I tell myself I am more evolved than that. I tell myself I am gifted, charming, intelligent, smart, resourceful, creative, loving, worthy, brave, inspiring and funny. I’m here to stay. I lasso myself back to the present with my umbilical cord swinging. I’ve decided I’m good to go. I’ve got this. No need to retreat. I’m safe in the world. It’s safe to explore, come out, be seen, be heard, be exposed, be vulnerable, BE ME. There are no limits to my exploration of self, psyche and courageousness. It’s time to cut the cord. The decision to be deliberate. Deciding to decide. Do or Die. Activating the Automatic Direct Deposit feature into my human experience. Spiritual prosperity. Defaulting to Deliberate creation of my life well led. A lesson in spiritual connection. A ‘cordless’ feature of our human experience.
So, in 2019, I am all in. Bring it on. Machete in hand. I’ve clearly decided to be here. I’m a problem solver. I have resources. I tried this a couple of weeks ago when I had the opportunity to prep early for an art show as I had a day in-between 2 events in the same location. I had driven down to Palm Springs for a Thursday night weekly street fair (6-10pm – set up at 4:30pm), which is 2 hours from my house. I was also participating in a show on Sat/Sun. near the same location. The weekend had a rain forecast for most of Sat. – so I took the opportunity to set up the 2nd show at 10am on Friday when it was clear & dry. It made me feel in control and took the stress out of my usual routine of getting up at 4am on the day of, driving 2+ hours to the location, doing a 90-minute setup and then being fully “on” from 10-4pm, hoping I wouldn’t mentally “crash” – despite the purchase of large lattes in my booth for reserve. I used the rest of the day to see “Mary Poppins,” get a massage, run to Kinkos to xerox more bus. cards as I forgot to order more from my printer before I left town. I did a little shopping at TJ Maxx, took myself lunch, went to Trader Shows to get proper food so I would have enough to eat while I was working. I also organized my stamp/art materials so that I could find something easily to make it up for a customer without appearing frantic and disorganized. (For those of you not familiar with my handmade greeting cards – they use postage stamps with many topics from around the world with recycled textiles) and I have 10,000 stamps with me – occasionally, some of them get re-routed, swept into an envelope and mixed together. When a customer asks me for something I know I have and can’t find it right away—it creates stress and removes a possibility of a sale. It was a breezy feeling to “think ahead” and feel empowered. I could see the value in adding more prep time, even if it meant going somewhere the day ahead. I don’t usually do that because I try to keep ancillary costs down and don’t like to pay for an extra night in a hotel on a trip that is under 3 hours. In this case, I had a free place to stay so it wasn’t an issue. But the result was that I was more rested, more present, more free to enjoy my event.
I translate my experiences into art and creative writing. I share my journey. I will help someone EXIT their distraction jungle. I will get shit done!
So take your rope, hold on to one end – give the other end to someone you meet who needs a connection, a tether, and give it a taut tug. Pull yourself up. If life feels cold – grab some leggings, a down jacket, some gloves and some hot cocoa. The vibrancy of your life will warm you. Take those gifts of yours and share one thing with someone new today. Pay it forward. That will help soothe your soul. The Cord Connection. Reset yourself. Whenever I find those negative default beliefs swimming across my mind like floaties – I will now say:
“Money shows up effortlessly in my life every day, in all ways. I have the ability to solve all ‘issues’ that come up easily and without stress and no longer need to handle them at the last minute. Feeling organized and asking for support allows me to function at a higher level and empowers me to do my best work and be of service. I say Thank You to my creativity and artistic outlet that flows through me with ease and grace and allows my mind the space and breath it needs to channel my illustrations and writing. I would not trade places with others – my life is perfect, enviable and I’m grateful for my own journey. Thank you for helping me illuminate the way forward.”
I’m OUT now. Are You IN?
Namaste.
Elisa
Elisa Goodman is the creative muse behind CURMUDGEON CARDS &
The I’m Skewed Collection: Witty Words. Quirky Art. Wise Wisdom –an unusual greeting card experience dedicated to enhancing lives through Creative Expression, Impactful Communication and Inspired Art. www.curmudgeoncards.com